A while ago I taught you the important lesson of 19 ways to become Dutch. I know that many of you have started practicing and now summer’s here, it’s time for a new lesson. With the current heatwave, you need to survive this season! Today 10 ways to become Dutch, the summer edition. A Dutch summer means working on an entirely different level. You never know what you’ll get. It could be raining for almost the entire summer so in those moments of sunshine, you need to be on your A game. Because knowing how to behave like a true Dutchie during the summer is very, very important.
1. Tell somebody else how warm it is
Summer weather is somewhat of a vague concept. Usually we have nice weather in spring and for a few weeks in summer (The rest of the year we complain about any other kind of weather, don’t worry). But when temperatures rise, we go nuts! And being a brand new Dutchie, it’s your duty to tell anyone willing to listen how warm it is today. I dare you!
#1 to the next level! The most important thing about being Dutch is knowing how to complain. Whatever happens in your life, remember that it’s not exactly how you wanted it to be and so you need to tell you friends about it. Your complaining should be a) related to the weather, b) reach as many people as possible (repeating works) and c) it should be totally unrealistic. So, don’t be shy and use all the clichés in the book. Here are some things you could say:
- ‘The heat here is totally different than abroad.’
- ‘Anything above 22 degrees is too much for me.’
- ‘Hear everybody else complaining about the heat. I hate it!’
- ‘I love summer weather but this is just too much.’
- ‘The Dutch weather just gets so… what that’s word? Sticky!’
- ‘It’s so hot, I just want to have a swim!’
- ‘With this heatwave we’re hitting a record.’
3. BBQ your ass off
What do you mean you can’t have a proper barbeque in a flat? You have a balcony don’t you? Having a barbecue is a national summer sport. It doesn’t matter if you’ve ever done it before. After 3 beers you don’t have the patience to cook it properly anyway. When you’re Dutch, it’s like disobeying the law when you don’t eat a skewer of half cooked chicken EVERY DAY.
4. Make sure everyone else is miserable
How to tell as many people as possible how warm it is? Get together for a beer on one of the many terraces Holland has to offer. Sitting in the direct sun while drinking beer and eating bitterballen is a great idea! And very important: tell the waitress how sorry you feel that she has to work. Remember, repeating works!
5. National sports suck!
Is there a world cup by any chance? Be as negative as you can about the national team. Sometimes telling people you’re not going to watch will be just the thing! Who knows you’re bluffing? And when they win, no one will remind you of what you said anyway. Orange unites, you know it!
6. Expect the apocalypse
Weather alerts and trains that stop running. Noooo! It’s time to get concerned! Stock up on every possible summer item available and get ready for a summer apocalypse. Warn others by telling them how warm it’ll get in the next few days as well. And when all the shops run out of kiddie pools and ventilators? You complain like you’ve never done before!
7. Get cozy on the beach
The Dutch beaches overflow during a heatwave. EVERYBODY wants their own square meter to sit (and complain) on. Having your neighbors toes in your face isn’t a really big issue now but it will make a nice story for any kind of birthday party. Don’t forget to get into a huge traffic jam on the way there as can really make your experience!
8. Wear next to nothing
Bra shopping we do in private but when it’s hot, it’s out there! Tiny shorts and tops are definitely all we can handle when going outside and it doesn’t really matter if it’s appropriate or not. Wearing a bikini in the park? Why not? And when you’re a man, you just take your shirt off, anywhere!
9. Compare homes
How’s your living room temperature during the summer? Do you wake up in your own sweat or is your house the only cool place on planet earth right now? Be sure to tell others!
10. Bring food on your holiday
You can take the Dutch out of Holland but you can’t take Holland out of the Dutch! Especially elderly people are known to take loads of food to their holiday destination. Typical things the Dutch bring with them are for example pindakaas (peanut butter), appelmoes (apple sauce), mayonaise and hagelslag (chocolate sprinkles, which we eat for breakfast).
Hey Dutchies! Did I forget something? Do remind me by leaving a comment below!
(Disclaimer: Due to the heat wave going on in the Netherlands, my brain is not properly working. This post should be approached with a firm tongue in cheek. Do not try any advise given in this post! :p )